I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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