It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's rum buckets o'clock
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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