Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
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No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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