Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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