I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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