I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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