Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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