Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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