My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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