Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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