dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
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I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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