dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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