I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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