...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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