She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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