Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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