If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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