Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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