This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
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Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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