its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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