Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize