I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
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There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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