is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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