Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize