i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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