Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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