woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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