She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Come on in and take your pants off
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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