Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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