does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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