Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dicks are not precious.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize