I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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