I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize