I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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