Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize