I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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