I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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