I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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