just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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