i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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