so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize