Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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