now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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