Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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