***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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