It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize