he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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