You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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