After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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