he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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